self help
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5 steps to learn how others perceive you

Many people struggle with trying to learn who they are. You may often hear someone say they want to know who they are. Some people may devote years to discover who they are. Before you can began to learn “who am I”; One must know who they want to be. You need a standard of comparison.

1: Discover your own ideals
The first thing you need to do is write down a list of your ideals. What would the “dream” you do? Pick a real person or character to compare yourself too. How far from your ideal are you? Be honest. Deceiving yourself will only make things more difficult. Write down the traits you admire.

2: Observe Yourself
This next step can be slightly challenging. We all see ourselves a little differently than we actually are. Sometimes we skew who we are a disproportionate amount. The easiest way to observe yourself is through video. You will need help to do this, have a friend record you at various moments interacting with people, performing your daily routines, and just hanging out. Watch the video and study your own actions. Coaches record their players, so they can study what they did wrong and how they can improve their game.

3: Consciously re-act
After you have observed your self, pay close attention to your daily routine and acts. Are you still doing what you watched? Are you rude, clever, quiet, abrupt? Conscious observation brings us one step closer to understanding who we are.

4: Throw yourself into it
The best way to find out who you are is to just throw yourself into a situation. How you handle stressful or dangerous situations is integral to who you are. Does your fight or flight response kick in? Are you calm cool and collected or panicked and terrified?

5: Ask you friends, family and co-workers
These are the people that see you everyday. How do they perceive you? Do they see you as confident, quiet, annoying, pleasant, smelly, intimidating? This is the self image that everyone feels is not the “real” them. It is however closer to the truth than we would be willing to admit.

How we interact in day to day situations is what makes us who we are. Going on a trip to discover our true self is only akin to trying to become our ideal self. There is a big difference. These methods are used to help us learn how others perceive us. More often than not we won’t like the results. If we don’t like the results then we can always change ourselves


  1. Yeah, you’re absolutely right. All that stuff you think you may be? It means little if you act differently. You are what you do, not what you want to be or want to do. I struggle with that sometimes. I often get ahead of myself, building up situations in my mind but never actually following through with them.

    People always say “don’t care what other people think about you” but that is only half true. Life can’t be fun when everyone thinks you’re an asshole. Gotta find the golden middle, being individual but in a way that keeps you compatible (and favorable) with others. It may sound cold, but keeping on peoples’ good side is also of profit to you.

    Thanks for this article, some good starters here.

  2. amburger says

    I felt this article was interesting. It’s advice/steps are helpful. It was a little bit boring and there were alot of spelling mistakes that I found anoying and distracting when reding it, and I had some trouble reading it without looking away every few seconds. It wasn’t interesting enough for me to start reading it and want to continue reading it without looking away. It was hard to follow, but besides that I liked it and will maybe follow the steps to help find out who I am.

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