Anger can be a debilitating problem and can forever change how one is viewed. Not only that but if anger goes unchecked it could lead to dire consequences. It is important that we keep our emotions in check especially those with a destructive nature. It is said that anger is just a form of fear turned outward. If that were true then why would people get angry at simple things like not folding laundry the proper way.
Need a desire to change
One can’t get over their anger unless they intend to make a conscious effort to change. It would be foolish and stupid of me to assume that I could get over my anger problems without effort.
Don’t let it all out
Perhaps, one of the largest mistakes in the realm of anger management is the idea to let it all out. This is the most dangerous approach. In clinical studies when subjects were agitated they were given a pillow to take their aggressions out on. They were told every time they got angry to just beat up that pillow. Instead of releasing their anger on the pillow, it had the opposite effect. It made the subject more aggressive. Every time they hit a pillow they got more and more brutal and aggressive.
Think of something else
The instant you get angry instead of yelling, screaming, or beating up a pillow think of something else. Think of your pets, think of how a chair is made, think of anything that will distract you from your current situation. By redirecting your attention you instantly dilute your aggression and begin to calm down.
I’m sure people have said it before but I doubt they meant this. Relax your muscles, let them go limp and un-tense. Relaxing the muscles releases physical tensions and helps to not turn that anger inward.
People that meditate on a regular basis tend to be much more relaxed and calm. When one meditates on a regular basis, they enter a more relaxed alpha brain wave state. This relaxed state makes one less susceptible to negative emotions.
Repeat a mantra
Many people find it helpful to repeat a mantra whenever they get angry. This is a bit of a double-edged sword. On the one hand if you were to repeat “Relax, relax relax” over and over and actually try to feel or be relaxed it could work. However if it becomes a mechanical process every time you get angry you say relax. Then relax could end up becoming a psychological trigger for you to get angry.
Assess the situation. What are you angry about? Are you angry because someone faced your pencils on your desk the wrong way? Or are you angry because someone has caused you physical pain? Depending on the severity of the situation, depends on whether or not your anger is even justified.
Whether you can control your anger or not remains largely upon your own actions. I used to get angry quite often and over small insignificant things. To help me get over it I carried two pieces of black onyx in my pocket. Every time I got angry I would reach in my pocket rub the Onyx and think of something else. Eventually I was able to get rid of the stones and my anger with them.